Food Writer Does Sports

Like far sighted cows, beat writers covet other beat writers’ beats. Crime reporters want to be political pundits, political pundits wish they were sports writers and sports writers want to be food writers. These aren’t always bad ideas.

Ten years ago I took a job analyzing surveys that had been taken by specific beat writers. When asked what had been the most significant cooking innovations of the 20th century, over 90% of sports writers responded “microwave ovens.” Fewer than 5 % of food writers concurred.

Besides Hegelian dialectics suggest that creative visions result from offbeat observations. So this food writer jumped at what looked like a delicious opportunity recently when UNI came to Des Moines to play Drake in a women’s basketball game with conference leadership at stake.

Mistaken assumptions were quickly revealed. Lower case uni is a delicacy that is best in January when cold northern waters encourage sea urchin mamas to produce their fattiest eggs. Upper case UNI has nothing to do with sea urchins. It’s an acronym for University of Northern Iowa. Their mascot is a panther, a creature whose meat is so foul its natural predators won’t eat it. Drake’s bulldog mascot, named Porterhouse, is a vegan who sleeps through games like a sedated lap dog.

Things got more confusing. The UNI team was coached by Tanya Warren, a former Des Moines Lincoln star who began her coaching career coaching the girls team at Boys Town. The Drake team starred Kristen Turk, also a former Des Moines Lincoln star. Both Warren and Turk played for Hall of fame coach Jerry Schartner. Warren however played before Lincoln’s cafeteria ovens were removed along with the aroma of their famous fresh baked cinnamon rolls. Turk did not. Turk was coming off a legendary performance in which she hit 15 of 20 shots from the field, mostly from long range, in a road victory at Evansville. Warren’s team was coming off successive victories over Missouri State and Creighton, the two teams expected to vie for the conference title.

A new sushi restaurant, Haiku, was about to open a couple blocks from the Knapp Center. I’d been hearing cool things about it and the idea of having uni for a pre UNI game meal appealed to me.

Alas, Haiku wasn’t open yet but the place looked fabulous, with Bulldog blue lights and two long bars (24 feet) the focus of a 120 seat sushi bar. The menu also promised a sushi bar like no other in town. Besides the usual (uni-less) sushi menu, there were things one sees more on the coasts than in Des Moines - hamachi kamas (yellowtail cheeks), oysters on the half shell, age dashi tofu ( deep fried soy bean cakes), honey walnut prawns, sambal, black bean sauces, udon and la sa tom ( think tom yum gai with coconut milk). It looks like Haiku will make the Drake sports area a food destination with La Rosa and Jethro’s also within a couple blocks of either the stadium or the Knapp Center.

At the game, I discovered that far bigger things than conference leadership were being contested. Warren’s philosophy of pre-game meals differed from that of Drake coach Amy Stephens like free will from determinism.

“We eat four hours before the game but we like to mix it up all the time. We think kids play better when they get to eat what they want. Since today’s game started at 2 p.m., our pre game meal was the breakfast buffet at the Marriott - eggs, bacon, sausage, fresh fruits, waffles, pancakes, oatmeal,” explained UNI Director of Operations Kelley Jacobs.

Drake eats four hours before game time but that’s the end of similarities.

“We always have the same pre game meal, home and away - chicken breast, mashed potatoes and green beans,” explained Drake Assistant Sports Information Director Brock Asher.

Sensing an epic confrontation between Calvinism and metaphysical libertarianism, fans were excited at tip-off. That didn’t last. Drake opened in an off side trap defense. Since they were not playing soccer, referees ignored it as UNI scored 20 of their first 26 points on lay ups. Drake missed 10 of their first 12 shots and 8 of those were short. Turk would miss all her long range shots. My father would have yelled “Eat some more Wheaties.” Dad didn’t understand Calvinists.

UNI shot the third best percentage in the nation all season and won 89-51, a record margin. I asked Jacobs if the team would repeat the pre game meal.
“No, we like to keep changing things, to keep it fun,” she explained.

That’s the difference between basketball and restaurants. Restaurants keep doing things that work and change things that don‘t.

I tried the breakfast buffet at CK Steakhouse in the West Des Moines Marriott ($11) and then wrote this column, tying a personal record for fewest spelling errors.

CK Steakhouse
1250 Jordan Creek Parkway, West Des Moines Marriott, 267-1500
Breakfast buffet Mon. - Fri. 6:30 a.m. - 10 a.m., Sat. till 11 a.m., Sun. all day